HOT

back to here again~~
recently too many family problem attacking..
and my parent might lost their job..
everyone keep complaining and complaining..
i try my best to act my part well but i wasted my time just like that..
just like my previous blog had said..
i try to help but i cant..
standing aside and watch like an idiot..
this is all what i can do...
this days,
i can conclude that,
life is not a journey in searching for oneself..
but journey to your own graveyard...



the weather is hot,
so do the emotion of other people..
HOT

i scold lot of people inside my heart these few days..
not to count those i scold face to face..
==
what i really hate it,
i try to move on..
and people keep on taking my past mistake and splash it in front of me..
i know i make a mistake..
even the youngster treating me like that..
such a failure life i have...

i should not wasting my time on the net world..
i should face the reality and
facing note right now..


you can said that i am lazy
but you cant said i am stupid
and
act like as if you were clever than me..
I'm not trying to protecting my pride..
but you are stepping it over my head..
a smile or laugh
did not mean that human are born to be bully by you..
you are success in you academic life..
but when you are facing the society,
you are nothing..
people who had an attitudes like you,
are just a jerk..
worst than a jerk...
i may not promise that in future,
i will be successful that anyone you see..
but i will not failed...

whatever it is,
friends is a lied..
puik!!!
even if I'm alone,
i will not beg anyone...
friend is a joke when you are joke..
friend is invisible when you are problem..
so long 'joke'
everything is just a joke...
everything start with laughter and end with foul wording
forget the good the other had done to you and
splashing it with just a harsh eye sight..
this is me..
I'm your best joke
and your best enemy you never want to knew..
blah~

i never knew what you had said..
i never wanted to knew..
as you like if you wanna make everyone turn against me..
as you like if you wanna exclude me from you lists..


knowing people like you
had grew me up a lot..
had wake my up..
to see through people like you...
maybe i am the worst of all..
i did not worth being part of it..
cis!!!
i try to act rude
im avoiding everything..
i am rude..
i am nasty and messy..
THIS IS ME!!!
changes of me because of you
make me feel shame of myself..
whatever is it..
dont include me...
hmmph...

hope

haih..
I'm not in a mood for everything..
after receiving the news..
my souls seems fly away from me..
every second i spend at home,
remind me of my home back then..
when i escape from this home..
it feels.. good
i don't know whether everything back there were OK or not
am i worrying too much?


guilty within me..
when i am having fun,
an unexpected thing had happen..
i spend lots of money
and behind me, there are people suffering for me

this year is really a bad bad year
gosh... this is totally not fair for me
is it I'm having the best for the previous previous year
therefore.. all the bad is coming in now...
5 more days before the arrival of a brand new year..
i hope for nothing..
just safety of my beloved one....
threw all the bad one for me...
T.T


i have threw the assignment for two days..
I'm still haven touch anything..
if i still like this..
i guess..
I'm suicide~ing together with others people


i hope I'm the one who will be in jail but not you
i hope I'm the one who will fell down from motor but not you
i hope...

Take Care

I cant do nothing when i receive the news

what i can say is only take care...

haih..

cant believe that this will happen to us..

feel wanted to cry but cant let it flow

just sad for everything that had happen

Take Care..

although everyone looked down on us

because of our financial problem..

but we didn't see this as a problem for so many years

until now..

even if they say anything...

i guess,

they are nothing but a jerk compare to the unknown...

if you cant do nothing

better keep your fucking mouth shut

and laugh or say behind us

don't accidentally call and talk crap

and make thing even worse..

you motherfucker~!!!

i feel so damn embarrass for being part of the family...

you all are even jerk than a shit..

you all cant even cant be label as a family

is time for me to focus on my study

so that..

i wont lose to their fucking children [although cousin are OK, but their parent really is shit]

hope you will get well soon

and

i hope you learn a lesson

and stop making us worry for you...

by the way,
i wanna wish everyone that i care..
merry x'mas..

Christmas

is Christmas night

everyone is shouting of bored

are they expecting something to happen??

for me is still okay

Christmas for me is a normal day

as I'm not a christian or what..

the town feel so empty,

maybe lots of people went home to celebrate their days with their love one...

and the more than half of the university students are having their semester break...

i feel boring?

nope.. just feel that doesn't not wanted to stay at home..

staying at home remind me of doing assignment..

aaHH.. suffocating..

is been a long time,

no one calling me through phone and chatted with me for more than 20minute...

asking me 'how are you'

although we met less than 3 month..

i really appreciate you for treating me as your friends..

i apologize again, for always avoiding you...

LOL??~~

i never treated anyone as a friend of mine i guess

even they treated me very well..

but i just treat them like a human and not a friend

friend is define as?

i don't know

just that, i feel i done not enough as a friend if compare with them...

i am sorry...

tell you..

the reason for me to avoid them is

they only treat beautiful people as friends..

this is what i thought of them

ever since i knew them...

till now, it never change, but it grew stronger and stronger..

everything that they have done seems to support my hypothesis...

and it is not my fault to born ugly

even if i am pretty..

i think i will done the same thing to avoid you

why everyone have to wait for me to make a move?

why??

this is the unseen pressure that they give to me..

waiting me to settle everything..

why me?

i am just like all of you..

I'm older than you did not mean i am clever and incredible in handling everything

i study form 6 before doesn't mean i need not have to study for mid term...

I'm freakishly fucking tired....

i really need a damn break

i wanted a vacation...

jump to the bus and drop me some where else for a day

but not here..

TT

ALONE

I'm alone at the big house

actually i can do it...

i mean alone facing the world

just don't call me go home

i got a shock today when you call

asking me to go home

some friends offered me a ride to go home also..

just that,

work that haven't finish making me in nerve all the time..

going back home

means i want to get 0 for my presentation

everything at here is still a 0

with all the offered to go home..

making me miss home, out of sudden...

freakishly tired..

i want a VACATION..

although i don't know wanna go where..

maybe after everything finished..

i jump to the bus alone and go to some where near to play

i have lots of things in mind wanted to tell out

but after i at here..

i cant recall of anything i wanted to tell out...

that's all.....

still feel very tired

the world

today i went to my aunt house to spend my days

actually, i feel lazy going out..

but since my mum hoping that i will go out,

so here i go...

after i arrive at there,

realize that my aunt spend her time greatly..

went to lots of places with her loved one...

what can i say..

are she jealous?

maybe..

she always been saying that she hate vacation...

she tired spending her day off walking around...

maybe that is just an excuses to lied us...

she feel tired..

maybe because of the work awaiting her after she back..

and he?

from the genetic diseases our family have

he can simply put out any excuses just to escape from us

maybe?

i don't know..

as we grew up

the times we hang up together become lesser and lesser

i miss the olden day?

cant be said so..

well..

i just hope both of them are happy

wait me..

till i am capable

can earn some money..

i will

make both of you

see the world...

let go

aaaaa

breathless..

i spend most of my time sleeping

i guess i over slept

i only awake for 1 hour and spend the rest of the time sleeping in 24hour

haha~~

less than 24hour..

i will back to there again..

thinking of that place,

making me remember of

assignment

presentation

i do hope i can be the sleeping one

where there is someone settle everything for me

being too strong..

sometime can easily break into pieces..

I've been avoiding

keep hiding myself from them..

less communicate with them

maybe this is good for both of us..

i don't want too rely with them..

the more i stayed with the group..

i feel more hard to let them go..

since i make the decision to leave them..

i hope i can...

i make no different to you

but you make a huge different to me

once you enter into my life

i found it hard to let you go..